On Writing - Stephen King

$7.99 from Amazon.com

Extra Super Nerdy Distinction: Gilbert Lowell

Buy it if: You like writing. Or you like reading. Or Stephen King, America and apple pie. Basically...buy it.

Don't buy it if: Nicholas Sparks is your literary highwater mark.

To my knowledge, Mickey Mantle never conducted a hitting clinic, Bob Dylan doesn’t hold songwriting seminars and Tiger Woods…well a private session with him probably won’t do much to improve your golf score. Rare indeed is the possessor of world class skill that also commands the ability to distill their methods and approach into digestible instruction. It’s one thing to create a masterpiece, quite another to explain how its done.

With On Writing, Stephen King didn’t set out to retread instruction that was long ago conveyed by Strunk and White (though he does endorse their seminal Elements of Style as something every aspiring author should possess.) A delineated manual this is not. Lacking formal structure, the book is loosely grouped into two sections: autobiographical and instructional. And while it’s difficult to say which is more fascinating, the informal writing neatly camouflages an academic foundation. In other words, this is way more fun than you standard textbook. Cheaper, too!

The ‘memoir’ section, though exceptionally brief by Stephen King standards, offers an amazingly candid look at the life of the author. From his innocent childhood plagiarism of Edgar Allan Poe to the creation of his first published novel, it’s a deeply revealing look at the long (and humble) road to life as one of America’s most popular novelists. Carrie was inspired by his time spent as a janitor, then rescued from the trash bin (!) by his wife. True story.

The story of his personal journey parallels the professional one. A fatherless childhood of poverty is quite frankly discussed, not skimping on the gritty reality of working an industrial laundry while penning short stories for the ‘titty mags’ in the back of a rented trailer. And the chapters on the struggles of recovery from alcohol and drug addiction are, in my opinion, some of the finest writing the man has ever produced. His simple, yet profound, explanation of the addict’s mind is superior to almost any literature on the subject I’ve ever encountered. Genuine, heartfelt and riveting, it’s a shame that something so applicable and well-written will find such a relatively limited audience.

If On Writing contained only this all-too-brief biography I would still recommend it wholeheartedly, at nearly any price. But for those who continue on to the ‘instructional’ section, King offers as fascinating – and eminently useful – look at the gritty process of crafting a story in words. (And then getting people to pay for it! Something I’m still working on…)

In a rare show of brevity, the author doesn’t give much advice on grammar, structure and form. What he does include are pragmatic and deceptively simply tips for aspiring writers. Paper clip your submissions, a rewrite should cut 10% from the first draft, ignore the fallacy of the muse… It’s a slice of blue-collar academia that is a refreshing departure from the ivory tower…and tough to argue when you consider the writer has few earthly rivals in the popularity department.

For all readers, Stephen King fans or not, there is much enjoyment to be had from this book. Its only downfall is length. I'm quite certain you will find yourself wishing the prose would stretch out beyond its 289 pages. But On Writing will fill even the dullest reader with an urge to touch pen to paper for the creation of literature. It trulys makes you want to write…whether you should or not is another matter. Either way, be you an aspiring author or simply one of King’s ‘Constant Readers,’ this book is an investment that will stand up to many repeated readings. I would tell you how many I’m on, but I lost count a long time ago.

Night of Thunder - Stephen Hunter

$9.99 in (oddly tall) paperback from Amazon.com

Buy it if: You're not ashamed to read with endorsements like "Set your sights on fun!" printed on the back...

Don’t buy it if: You think good fiction is always comprised of things that could happen, but simply haven’t.

I’ve put off reviewing any Stephen Hunter books for some time, mainly because it’s a bit embarrassing to admit I read them. They are essentially comic books minus the graphic illustrations of rippling muscles, big guns and bloody fights…but that doesn’t mean they’re not fun.

Night Of Thunder is the latest paperback installment in the Bob Lee Swagger ‘saga,’ which began with the thriller Point of Impact (later adapted for the silver screen as ‘Shooter,' starring ‘Marky’ Mark Wahlberg) For the highbrow Clancy fans out there, Bob Lee is Hunter’s backwoods Jack Ryan. (Though with a WAY better name. Hunter is a master of unabashed nomenclature whose talent reaches its zenith in The Day After Midnight with character ‘Dick Puller.’ Whoa.) Like Ryan, he's both improbable and invulnerable, but a bit more self-effacing and…lovable.

Why ‘lovable?’ Well, somehow Hunter has managed to create a ruthless, coldblooded Special Ops sniper from Arkansas and imbue him with a Berkley liberal’s sense of social justice. Swagger, a self-proclaimed hick from the mountains with too many guns and a rockin' redneck accent also manages to have equal visions of all races, orientations, sexes and religions. He's the ACLU with .50 caliber rifle. Forget the bullets dodged and single-handed battles fought...this is the book's biggest stretch of the imagination.

But that’s not to say the rest of the story is easy to swallow. By the time Night of Thunder rolls around, Bob is many years removed from the Vietnam war that barely precluded his first appearance in print. He’s older, he’s slower and has long since gone gray, yet somehow always manages to be nimble in a fight and faster on the draw than ever. I thought Hunter might have maxed out his audience's willingness to believe when he let Bob Lee outduel a samurai master (yes, I’m serious) in his previous book, but this most recent volume seems to be even less encumbered by an adherence to realism.

Still, though this admission may actually force Georgetown to request my degree in English literature back, I loved it. I love them all. I love every single ridiculous adventure. And it almost makes sense. Superman's always been a favorite of mine, too, and I wouldn’t exactly call him the pinnacle of factual writing. So why not Bob Lee? If you can’t set aside the world for a bit and escape into an adventure with almost no grounding in the physical constraints of nature, ignorance of time's inescapable hand and a general flouting of statistical probability... Well, gee, you’re missing out on more than I or Stephen Hunter can provide. Maybe a little Bob Lee Swagger would do you some good.

Reading the OED – Ammon Shea

$5.58 at Amazon.com

Buy it if: You are feeling temporarily nerdy

Don’t buy it if: You’ve always shunned the reference section of the library

Despite being osculable, I am still subtrist, but nothing gets me going in the morning like a good pandiculation. And now I finally have the vocabulary to say it.

There may not be a more exhaustive work of academia in the modern world than the Oxford English Dictionary. (The definition of ‘Yet’ runs 60,000 words, 13,000 more than the The Great Gatsby.) Compared to the relatively miniscule collegiate dictionary you had sitting on your desk in high school, the OED is a monstrosity of wordage. Weighing in a 150 pounds and spread out over 20 volumes, it would doubtless strain any study surface upon which it was placed.

But for Ammon Shea, a habitual reader of dictionaries (I know, and you thought I was super nerdy…) it wasn’t simply enough to keep this dictionary for reference. So, like a stodgy and sedate version of Julie (Julie and Julia) Powell, he set out to read his way through the entire ‘book.’ All 21,730 pages of it.

The result is Reading the OED, a mini-memoir about the task, divided into 26 chapters, one for each letter of the alphabet. Each section is headed by a few pages about his actual experience, followed by a smattering of ‘selected’ (interesting, obscure or generally kooky) words from the OED, with each word being redefined and commented upon by the author.

My one wish for the book is that Shea would have chosen to simply focus on one approach or the other. Unfortunately, neither is fully explored…and either by itself would have made for far more compelling reading. Shea’s narrative is actually very humorous, detailing things like his massive coffee addiction, the curmudgeonly demeanor he affects en route to becoming a library dweller and the gradual decline of his vision. His self-deprecating style strikes the right tone for such a task and is entertaining, but the flow is constantly interrupted by each chapter’s word list.

This isn’t to say that the lists are unwelcome. In fact, Shea could probably make a go of being a professional satirist. The selections encompass a great cross-section of obscurity and yet, remarkably, I caught myself taking notes on words for later usage. And now I know that the next time a fox robs me of something, I’ll have been vulpeculated. If Shea were to release a more thorough volume, complete with ‘redefinitions’ and commentary, I would almost certainly make the purchase. It could be a fantastic alternative abridgment .

But, in the end, the book only half-succeeds at each task. If either of my imagined volumes were in the works by the author, I’d say hold out for the full-length memoir or ‘Shea-ized’ OED…but since it seems doubtful either are in the publishing pipeline, Reading the OED might be an appropriate alternative for someone with a passing interest in the subject. It’s a very fast read and – at 149 ½ pounds less than the original source material – far more suitable for airline travel.

Trizophrenia – Jef Mallett

$14.93 at Amazon.com

Buy if if: You or a loved one is on the fence about competing in a triathlon and wants a push towards the affirmative

Don’t buy it if: You’re a hardcore wattage junkie who only cares about things like rolling resistance and the relative merits of a 79 degree STA.

Best known as the author of Frazz, a Calvin & Hobbes-meets-Zits-meets-Tour de France-style comic strip, Jef Mallett, a longtime triathlete himself, takes a stab at explaining the oddities, perversities and general weirdness inherent not just to triathletes, but triathlons themselves. Equal parts sports memoir, how-to guide and sermon, Trizophrenia is a light-hearted look at what is – almost unbelievably – one of the fastest growing sports in America.

Neatly divided into three parts (with more than a bit of overlap between them) the book offers a look at what makes a triathlete, what makes a triathlon and the essential (and existential) experience that is the meeting of the two on the field of competition… And he makes fart jokes. In short, this might actually be the most comprehensive book on the sport since The Triathlete’s Training Bible.

Of course, being comprehensive in less than 200 pages (of which a 1/3 are filled with illustrations and excessively copious, but still very humorous, footnotes of digression) provides little in the way of details. Basically, if you’re looking for FTP testing protocols and/or interval workouts, you need to move on to something both bulkier and more narrowly focused. But if you’re feeling intimidated about an approaching first race or simply looking for that last bit of motivation, Mallett nails it. His self-effacing style transforms the daunting into the accessible. As a theme, Trizophrenia is book-length paraphrase of a medical school adage: “What do you call the last finisher? A triathlete.”

Not that the book’s acceptance of all comers will turn off the hardcore racers out there. It may even help mediate some of the do-or-die-or-I’m-worthless vibe that seems to permeate the uber-serious elite ranks. The author is an amateur athlete and professional writer, but he’s quick to remind readers that fun in each is not dependent on levels of success. Plus, as a bonus gem, Mallett’s wife contributes an afterword on being the spouse/support crew/#1 fan of a triathlete that is almost worth the price of admission on its own.

Ironman or Ironwuss, this one’s worth a read.

Taking Woodstock - Elliot Tiber

$10.85 at Amazon.com

Buy it if: You want to a front row seat to the behind-the-scenes characters that made the first Woodstock a reality

Don't Buy it if: "Okie from Muskogee" is you personal anthem


I’m not morally opposed to reading books that have become films. The Stand and A Prayer for Owen Meaney remain my two favorite works of all time. (These and Welcome to the Monkey House… Now THERE’s a film I’d like to see!) But I think we’re all familiar with that familiar refrain: ‘…but the book is SO much better.’ And you know, that's usually true. Simon Birch is the cringe-inducing epitome of this phenomenon. But after seeing Taking Woodstock on the silver screen my curiosity was piqued. The movie was so over-the-top, with an incredible mélange of characters, that I had to know how much of the tale was artistic license. So many docu-dramas usually have more 'drama' than 'docu.' (As an aside, I wish publishers wouldn’t turn movie visuals into new book covers, it makes me feel like such a poser…)

There are probably few artistic/cultural watersheds of the Woodstock caliber, such was the impact of this concert held in upstate NY’s Catskills mountains. Free music, 500,000 or so fans, and a line up of artists that reads like the ultimate classic rock playlist. And it nearly didn’t happen.

As the story goes, the organizers of the "Woodstock Arts and Music Festival" had lost permission to hold the event in the originally slated location and with only weeks to go were scrambling for a solution. Enter Elliot Tiber, the gay son of Jewish-Russian immigrants tasked with keeping a money pit summer resort open and operating like the Bad News Bears of the Catskills. But he did happen to have a permit… For those familiar, it’s a hippie and acid version of Steven Sorrentino’s Luncheonette.

Despite my misgivings, the movie hugged the storyline faithfully and it becomes quickly apparent that the screenwriters aren’t responsible for the fantastic and outlandish characters contained therein...the 60’s are to blame. Sure enough, Tiber weaves a tale of coming out and coming of age in a time when the norm was to be anything but. His story is peppered with characters like Vilma (the strapping Marine-turned-transvestite-cum-resort security force), Mike Lang (organizer of the original and subsequent Woodstocks, who seems to literally float through a sea of chaos finding solutions to problems and dolling out payments from a huge paper sack full of cash, clad in nothing but jeans and buckskin vest) and his own Mama (a money-hoarding, untrusting hotel proprietor who charged extra for towels and refused refunds on any grounds.)

In the end, it’s tempting to paint the book as a romanticized, rose-colored version of what really went on at the end of the summer of ’69. Until you realize that, for once, real life actually was a romanticized, rose-colored version of itself for a single rainy weekend in 1969. A half-million people got together, loved each other and changed the world’s cultural landscape. It happened. Elliot Tiber helped make it happen. His story, for all it inherent idealism, is wonderfully real. That such a spirit couldn’t continue is unfortunate, but that it even existed at all is comforting in its own right. Worth a read.

Once a Runner – John L. Parker

In re-released hardcover from Amazon.com - $16.32
Super-Nerdy Distinction Award: Arthur Poindexter

Buy it if: You’re a runner or - better yet - want to be one.

Don’t buy it if: You think athletic pursuits are a waste of time and have no business being part of a civilized society. (Then let me know to drop you from my list!)

I hate running, I really do. And anyone who’s ever seen me ‘run’ will certainly know why. It is terribly painful, horrifically slow and mind-numbingly boring. And yet, even someone as vehemently anti-running as myself was itching to lace on some racing flats and hit the track only midway through John Parker‘s Once a Runner. Ironically, this excellent read has only recently been re-released, having languished out of print for far too long. I can only assume this is because the readers of its supposedly niche market were busy fervently passing around this Gospel-according-to-Parker and the publisher saw its new books sales dwindle. But, thankfully, this novel is once again gracing the shelves of bookstores. (Along with a long overdue sequel, Again to Carthage.)

Actually, it’s hard to believe the book ever went away in the first place. The writing style is exceptionally approachable, easy to read without being simplistic. That’s a combination that’s far easier to appreciate than it is to actually create. Like a well-run, race, the pace is even throughout, building to a fantastically written athletic climax. Though I would imagine that some runners/readers might find the more personal, less athletic sections of the book to be boring, or even unnecessary, I think these show the author at this most perceptive. The ideal of the great athlete away on some remote mountaintop patiently plying his trade and honing his skills like a monkish Rocky is much more fallacy than fact, and this book nails the characteristic dichotomy of an elite athlete almost perfectly. After all, if life didn’t intrude, competitive running would be a straight-up genetics test. The inclusion of an athlete’s disappointments and distractions lends a great humanity to the text, and it’s far better for it.

From a technical athletic point of view, all the realism is there. With the exception of a fictional college and its fictional runners, this book is set in the real world. Frank Shorter, Pre…they’re all here, if only in a brief mentioning. The times bandied about are completely appropriate for the era and nothing seems amiss or farcical. It’s a nice change from the sadly typical half-researched sports writing one often sees. (Yes, I’m taking aim at you, Swimfan.)

There are more than a few critics who’ve called the Once a Runner the greatest running novel ever written. Well, I’ll be honest, I can’t actually think of any others offhand, but I this one’s good enough that even if I could find dozens of other stories with which to compare it, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Parker emerged on top by a large margin. Whether you run, walk or simply fatten yourself on the couch, this book is an absolute must read.

The Perfect Scent – Chandler Burr

In paperback from Amazon.com - $10.20

Buy it if: You love seeking out random information for which you have no context…and don’t understand how the f*#& they can charge $140 for three ounces of smelly liquid?!

Don’t Buy it if: You think perfume should be sold by the liter and cost about $5.95 a bottle…

Whilst walking through Manhattan this week I happened to pass by the Hermes boutique and was suddenly struck by this thought – I wonder if they still have ‘Un Jardin sur le Nil’? This is significant because until I finished Chandler Burr’s The Perfect Scent, I would have never have given such a shop a second glance. And I guarantee you that the words ‘Un Jardin’ wouldn’t be floating through my brain. Yet now I can’t help but notice the horse-motif near the entrance, a nod to the company’s beginnings as a saddle maker, while wondering if Jean-Claude is still crafting their marquis perfume.

This, to me, is proof of great writing. Burr, The New York Times’ resident perfume writer, (I know, who even knew such a position existed?!) managed to grab my attention and hold it rapt with tales of French perfume, the politics of Parisian design houses and – I wouldn’t have believed it myself – Sarah Jessica Parker. Like a great book on wine, food or travel, you’ll spend good portions of your time reading wishing you could experience all that the author is describing…the mark of truly engaging words. (In a thoughtfully synergistic marketing move that benefits the reader who confronts this desire, the paperback version of the book does come with a bookmark containing a sample of Sarah Jessica’s fragrance, Lovely.)

Overtly, the book follows twinned storylines: One follows along as Mrs. Parker attempts to design her own scent and bring it to market, eventually creating one of the most successful celebrity perfumes yet seen. The other is the old world journey of the aforementioned Un Jardin sur le Nil, a scent created by Jean-Claude Ellena, a renowned perfumier who’s been retained by Hermes as they attempt to stamp their mark on the startlingly cutthroat designer perfume business. And you thought it was all just putting nice-smelling stuff into a bottle?

Burr uses these two specific narratives to lay out an elegant tale of the entire industry. While I have to assume the business described is not unknown to some, I would be willing to bet the average reader – like myself – will find the journey of these combined molecules from inspiration to laboratory, from design to market, utterly fascinating. Perfumery is a true art that is delivered by science, and the process is simply astounding. The author provides excellent descriptions of precisely the right depth and length, enough to involve the reader and evoke curiosity, but not stall the book’s forward motion. The silver lining for those of you who eschew the knockoff perfumes and colognes in Target is the inclusion of the astronomical prices of some of the building scents used to create these olfactory elixirs. It’s oddly reassuring to know that the people tasked with building these scents can tell you not only that they prefer jasmine that comes from Grasse instead of India, but also why. And how the difference in price may be justified. You may still not feel that tiny bottle with the Dior label on it is worth $300, but at least you’ll know that number is not simply a company trading on its name for the highest possible margins.

The Perfect Scent succeeded – for me – as a piece of writing by taking a subject for which I have no context or familiarity and igniting an interest that grew steadily over the course of my reading. Chandler Burr gives you just enough information to be dangerous at cocktail parties, but also keeps your intellect involved to the point that you will continue to look down long, elegant perfume counters with a new respect sense of intrigue as you consider the long journey these liquids have taken. Dare I say it? Ok, fine, this one smells like a winner.